How much can a grizzly bear?

Ranger Deirdre’s Wildlife Spotting Tips:

• That bear / moose / mountain goat you are convinced you can see in the distance is more likely to be a tree stump / shrub / rock.
• It doesn’t matter how long you stare at said tree stump / shrub / rock, it will not turn into a bear / moose / mountain goat. Ever.

South of Yellowstone are the beautiful jaggedy mountains of Grand Teton National Park.  French fur traders in the 19^th century named a section of the range “les Trois Tetons” meaning “the 3 breasts”. These guys had clearly been deprived of female company for far too long, and / or had access to far too much alcohol!

That being said, the park is another spectacular part of the country and as an added bonus doesn’t smell of sulphur. We stayed in a cute little log cabin on the shores of Jackson Lake at Colter Bay. On our first evening, we drove to a lookout area further into the park which was allegedly a good place to see moose. It would seem that the “moose appearance roster” has been significantly impacted on by federal budget cuts affecting the public service. The lookout turned out, however, to be the only place in the park that we could get Wi-Fi access, so it had its uses. While loitering thusly, we notice a large crowd of cars and people down in the valley (known as a Bear Jam), looking and pointing, so we decided to check it out. It turned out that there were 2 adolescent male grizzly bears hanging out – how exciting!!  We spoke to a guy who was all cammo-ed up (always useful when you’re standing on the side of a road next to your car) and had a huge camera lens (also cammo). He knew the whole soap opera; Mom Bear had just chucked the boys out of home and went back to her mum who’s just had triplets after one of her other cubs got killed.

Next morning we hired a kayak and took off into the serene waters of Jackson Lake, attempting to spot moose from the shoreline. No moose, probably on a training day. We found a small island, and seeing that it did not appear on the map we were given, it was obviously a new discovery. We stepped ashore at Hill point, and claimed sovereignty for Australia. We duly named the island “GoosePoo Island” because of its salient features. I foresee a great guano industry opportunity. We’ll let you know how the claim goes.

Stepping ashore at "Hill Pt" to claim GoosePoo Island for Australia.

Said notable island features

In the afternoon, we looked at the park maps and decided on one of the loop trails that included the some lakes, first going by the horse corral and then the sewage ponds for some olfactory stimulation. We soon discovered that the trail took us through exactly the type of thick thicketty thicket in which we had seen the bears, only a couple of kms away. There were no other walkers in sight. About 2/3 of the way around, the trail became very indistinct and overgrown, although there were occasional brown poles suggesting a trail may exist under the shrubbery. We had made some anti-bear preparations……...

"in the event of a bear emergency, I will say 'BEAR, BEAR, BEAR' then deploy the  Bear Spray"

"in the event of a Morris Dancing emergency, I will the deploy the Bells, and sing Hey Noni  Noni".

Rehearsing for anti Bear singing.

But didn’t bring the I-pod so we had to sing / clap / yell / ring that blasted bear bell for several hours. If I hear that bell one more time……..! There was no way in the world we would see any wildlife we were making such a racket, but the need to avoid bears overtook this. Bears are particularly dangerous now they have become aware of the Second Amendment (Part B) which gives the right to arm bears.  It was quite a relief to get to more travelled parts of the trail close to the lake! We did see 2 swans and a couple of heron who must have been deaf.

That evening we went back to the Bear Jam area and were rewarded with more sightings of the 2 grizzly boys – yep, in and around the thickets. It’s so much more relaxing to view them from a road with lots of people and cars for a quick escape.

On our 2^nd day in the park we went to Jenny Lake and caught the ferry shuttle across the lake for some hiking into the mountain range. We gazed up at the snow-capped, glaciated mountains towering above us as we crossed the lake, and overheard a woman ask the Captain “is that white stuff snow?” No, it’s icing sugar. Things always look better with a dusting of icing sugar.  We didn’t hear the Captain’s answer but hope it was more gracious than our own.  We walked up into Cascade Canyon which was really lovely walk, with a few people around to provide safety in numbers! It’s really interesting when we meet Americans whose comment about Australia is that it’s chock full of terrifying creatures that will kill you. They seem to forget the bears (black, brown and grizzly), mountain lions, wolves, coyotes and rattlesnakes in their own backyard.

A Big Tit at the Grand Breast.

You can wash your hands with a Bison!

Smarter than the Average Bear

Things we learnt in Montana:

·         It is illegal to drive with a sheep in your vehicle without a chaperone.

·         It is illegal for unmarried women to go fishing alone.

Now safely in Wyoming at Yellowstone National Park we need not concern ourselves with accidental non-chaperoned sheep cartage. Of course (at the risk of stating the bleating obvious) if you are charged with such an offence, you should make sure that your lawyer has passed his Baa exam.

We stayed for 2 nights at Mammoth Hot Springs at the northern end of the park. Yellowstone is chock full of big mean animals such as grizzlies, bison, wolves, mountain lions etc. We were therefore somewhat surprised to be greeted with signs saying “DANGER: do not approach elk”.  You know, lovely Bambi with her doey eyes and gentle nature. Not so. A number of female elk with calves had taken up residence on the hotel lawns and were very aggressive, charging people left right and centre. The hotel employed security staff whose sole job was to erect barricades and warn people off. One elk had stashed her calf at the rear entrance to the hotel, effectively blocking that entrance.

We took a drive to the Lamar Valley which is said to be prime wildlife habitat. We were very excited to see our first solitary bison, then a pair, then several huge herds. It’s amazing how quickly you go from “oooooh, oooooh, oooooh, look, a bison” to “oh yeah, another herd of bison, whatever”. This led to endless repeats of that old and bad joke:

Q: What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

A: You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.

Nice Fascinator

Apart from many bison, we saw some pronghorn deer and  I tried to run over a hoary marmot (bit like a slim wombat on speed) but it lived to become road kill another day. We later saw a couple of Hoary Marmots dashing about the meadows so we went on a shooting spree (photographically that is). We seemed to take lots of photos of Blurry Marmots too.

Mammoth Hot Springs has some fantastic terraced hot springs (travertine terraces if you want to know) and we braved the elements including hail to bring you these photos. The day fined up for our afternoon excursion to The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone which included some views of Yellowstone Falls.

Yellowstone River Lower Falls

From Mammoth Springs we moved south to stay at the Old Faithful Lodge which is right next to Old Faithful Geyser. This area of the park has 2/3 of the world’s geysers, and at least that many Old Geezers in RV’s. Old Faithful Geyser erupts approximately every 90 minutes, drawing huge crowds. The eruption starts with a few small spurts of water accompanied by gasps of anticipation and the premature clicking of smart-phone cameras, then at last the giant “whoosh” as gallons of hot water rockets into the sky. The Park Service puts up a schedule of anticipated eruption times, and there is a hotline you can ring - literally, “press 1 for Old Faithful, press 2 for other Geysers”.

Stupid Tourist Moment: (overheard in hotel gift shop, 9 pm) An American woman asked the cashier what time the next eruption of Old Faithful Geyser would be. The cashier replied that as the National Park Visitor’s centre was now closed for the evening he didn’t know (as the Visitor’s Centre issues the predicted times). She replied, “So there won’t be an eruption again until the morning, when the visitor’s centre re-opens and they switch it back on?” He said (with remarkable self-control), “It will continue erupting overnight, because it’s entirely driven by natural forces.” “Oh really?” she replied, clearly amazed by this incredible information.  It’s not Disneyland you moron!

We spent a couple of days walking and driving around looking at all the various geysers, fumaroles (not to be confused with profiteroles) and mud pots, enjoying the sulphurous mist which was quite warming on a freezing day. Although it should be said that it is best not to be downwind of a sulphurous geezer (sorry, I meant ‘geyser’). The mud pots are definitely the stinkiest by a long shot.  The colours of some of the pools are extraordinary and there are so many variations on the theme. One fumarole is called The Dragon’s Mouth, aptly named as it is a mouth shaped opening that blows steam with a great roaring sound, accompanied by waves of superheated water rushing in and out of the opening. There were also some well-defined bear tracks very close to the boardwalk – gave us paws for thought.

!

We seemed to have discovered the source of the smell

Dragon's Mouth. Belching out stinking hot surf!

Mike was a little upset not to get his Junior Ranger Badge here at America’s First National Park. You have to be between the ages of 5-12 and inexplicably he didn’t qualify. At most of the other parks the program is available for Junior Rangers of “all ages”, so he will have to try and earn his badge later. Stay tuned.  

Living in our own Private Idaho

We left the madness of Seattle and drove across the state of Washington for a brief dip into the Famous Potato state of Idaho. We were happy to be back in the countryside and enjoy simple country pleasures, such as the roadside Tourist Information sign which advised us  “Crop identification signs on fence, next 14 miles”. And so they were…..Potatoes, Alfalfa, Sweet corn, Potatoes, more Potatoes, what do you know, Potatoes. Just occasionally, we’d see a sign for Peas. So all we are saying, is give peas a chance.

We arrived in the little town of Wallace just in time for the Gyro Days Carnival (crappy amusement rides held together with fencing wire and the screams of small children). Wallace is a historic town that claims to be The Silver Capital of the World. But hang on; Broken Hill is The Silver City – so there! We also visited another very important geographical feature……

Who knew it was there all along.

Next day we rode the Route of the Hiawatha, a 24 km rail trail along the old Chicago, Milwaukee and St Paul railroad. The bike trail winds its way through the Bitterroot Mountains, crossing 7 huge trestle bridges and going through 9 tunnels. The first tunnel, the St Paul Pass Tunnel, is 2.7 km long and is pitch black, dripping wet and really really cold – 4 degrees in fact. And there ain’t no light at the end of this tunnel for a very long time. The great thing about the ride was that it was all downhill – we caught a shuttle bus back up to the top car park to save the effort of riding back uphill.

Coming out of the St Paul Tunnel

Leaving Idaho, we went north into Montana to Glacier National Park. On the way, we stopped at the externally promising “Homestyle Café and Antiques”. We walked into a dingy junky bar full of tattooed bikies glued to the wall TV, but there was no backing out for us. Somewhat surprisingly, it turned out that the bikies were watching the US Open Golf, and were discoursing eloquently on the finer points of the game. You just can’t make assumptions now, can you?

Eventually we checked into Lake MacDonald Lodge, a beautiful historic lodge on the shores of Lake MacDonald, with wonderful views of the mountains. 

Next morning we walked to Avalanche Lake, another fantastically scenic spot. Glacier National Park is prime grizzly bear territory, and the advice is to carry bear spray and make lots of noise. So we did. Mike was Chief Walking Noise Maker – equipped with bear bells (it is said, however, that black bear poo is full of berries, and grizzly bear poo is full of bells) and a speaker for his I-Pod which was belting out 80’s rock anthems. All the bears gathered, swaying with their cigarette lighters aloft and taking turns crowd surfing in the mosh pit. At least they weren’t eating us. We didn’t see any evidence of bears, but we were excited to see a moose by the side of the lake. In the words of Bill Bryson, moose (is the plural ‘meece’?) walk like their legs haven’t been introduced to each other.

Mike's all tooled up

Very A moosing

Later in the afternoon, we hired a rowboat so that I could watch Mike exercising. I had a lovely relaxing time; Mike worked up a sweat in the outdoor gym. Who needs a rowing machine when there’s a whopping big lake right there?

The following day we celebrated Mike’s birthday by going to the Sun. As you do.  We drove part of the famed “Going to the Sun Road” which crosses the park from east to west. We were just a few days too early to drive the whole road, which is still closed at the highest pass while they clear the last bits of snow off the road. As we were staying on the west side, we had to drive the long way round the south of the park to start driving the road from the east entrance up to Logan’s Pass.  It is an absolutely stunning road, and either we are getting better at edges, or it actually wasn’t as bad as other roads we have been on. We again had glorious weather allowing for wonderful views.

St Mary Lake

Logan Pass, all snowed in at the top

Leaving the park after 2 fabulous days, we stopped at another geographical marvel – the Montana Vortex and House of Mystery. They tried to say the site is in the centre of a number of vortices resulting in magnetic anomalies, auras, and unexplainable mysteries (and probably visits from Elvis), but in reality it was just a number of optical illusions. A lot of silly fun really.

A big chair, how original!

This is doing strange things to my head.

On our way to Yellowstone National Park, we’re having a brief stopover in Butte Montana – home of the Richest Hill on Earth. We’d like to meet him and see if he’ll fund the rest of our trip.