Smarter than the Average Bear

Things we learnt in Montana:

·         It is illegal to drive with a sheep in your vehicle without a chaperone.

·         It is illegal for unmarried women to go fishing alone.

Now safely in Wyoming at Yellowstone National Park we need not concern ourselves with accidental non-chaperoned sheep cartage. Of course (at the risk of stating the bleating obvious) if you are charged with such an offence, you should make sure that your lawyer has passed his Baa exam.

We stayed for 2 nights at Mammoth Hot Springs at the northern end of the park. Yellowstone is chock full of big mean animals such as grizzlies, bison, wolves, mountain lions etc. We were therefore somewhat surprised to be greeted with signs saying “DANGER: do not approach elk”.  You know, lovely Bambi with her doey eyes and gentle nature. Not so. A number of female elk with calves had taken up residence on the hotel lawns and were very aggressive, charging people left right and centre. The hotel employed security staff whose sole job was to erect barricades and warn people off. One elk had stashed her calf at the rear entrance to the hotel, effectively blocking that entrance.

We took a drive to the Lamar Valley which is said to be prime wildlife habitat. We were very excited to see our first solitary bison, then a pair, then several huge herds. It’s amazing how quickly you go from “oooooh, oooooh, oooooh, look, a bison” to “oh yeah, another herd of bison, whatever”. This led to endless repeats of that old and bad joke:

Q: What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

A: You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.

Nice Fascinator

Apart from many bison, we saw some pronghorn deer and  I tried to run over a hoary marmot (bit like a slim wombat on speed) but it lived to become road kill another day. We later saw a couple of Hoary Marmots dashing about the meadows so we went on a shooting spree (photographically that is). We seemed to take lots of photos of Blurry Marmots too.

Mammoth Hot Springs has some fantastic terraced hot springs (travertine terraces if you want to know) and we braved the elements including hail to bring you these photos. The day fined up for our afternoon excursion to The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone which included some views of Yellowstone Falls.

Yellowstone River Lower Falls

From Mammoth Springs we moved south to stay at the Old Faithful Lodge which is right next to Old Faithful Geyser. This area of the park has 2/3 of the world’s geysers, and at least that many Old Geezers in RV’s. Old Faithful Geyser erupts approximately every 90 minutes, drawing huge crowds. The eruption starts with a few small spurts of water accompanied by gasps of anticipation and the premature clicking of smart-phone cameras, then at last the giant “whoosh” as gallons of hot water rockets into the sky. The Park Service puts up a schedule of anticipated eruption times, and there is a hotline you can ring - literally, “press 1 for Old Faithful, press 2 for other Geysers”.

Stupid Tourist Moment: (overheard in hotel gift shop, 9 pm) An American woman asked the cashier what time the next eruption of Old Faithful Geyser would be. The cashier replied that as the National Park Visitor’s centre was now closed for the evening he didn’t know (as the Visitor’s Centre issues the predicted times). She replied, “So there won’t be an eruption again until the morning, when the visitor’s centre re-opens and they switch it back on?” He said (with remarkable self-control), “It will continue erupting overnight, because it’s entirely driven by natural forces.” “Oh really?” she replied, clearly amazed by this incredible information.  It’s not Disneyland you moron!

We spent a couple of days walking and driving around looking at all the various geysers, fumaroles (not to be confused with profiteroles) and mud pots, enjoying the sulphurous mist which was quite warming on a freezing day. Although it should be said that it is best not to be downwind of a sulphurous geezer (sorry, I meant ‘geyser’). The mud pots are definitely the stinkiest by a long shot.  The colours of some of the pools are extraordinary and there are so many variations on the theme. One fumarole is called The Dragon’s Mouth, aptly named as it is a mouth shaped opening that blows steam with a great roaring sound, accompanied by waves of superheated water rushing in and out of the opening. There were also some well-defined bear tracks very close to the boardwalk – gave us paws for thought.

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We seemed to have discovered the source of the smell

Dragon's Mouth. Belching out stinking hot surf!

Mike was a little upset not to get his Junior Ranger Badge here at America’s First National Park. You have to be between the ages of 5-12 and inexplicably he didn’t qualify. At most of the other parks the program is available for Junior Rangers of “all ages”, so he will have to try and earn his badge later. Stay tuned.