Ooh La La

After the excitement of Churchill, we had time to settle down with another 2 nights and 1 day on the train to Toronto. Our fellow travellers included 2 drunken 20-something Aussie blokes who pontificated on anything and everything, contrasted by 2 bonneted Mennonite women, and 1 visually impaired chap who exited the train holding a bike helmet which would have been interesting…..

As country cousins in the Big Smoke we channelled our inner “Old Fogey” as we marvelled at the “young people” and asked why everyone under 30 needs a tattoo. Especially those Chinese characters which they think mean something wonderfully spiritual but actually say “kick me, I’m an idiot” or similar.   We timed our visit with the start of “Buskerfest” so there were some great street performances to enjoy and excellent people-watching opportunities.  We did the obligatory trip to the top of the CN Tower, which was the world’s tallest building until some Dubai upstart built something slightly taller. Mike bravely stood on the glass floor overlooking a very long drop.

Toronto skyline

aaaaarrrhhhhh

This woman was telling the chef that she is a vegetarian!

Jim's local

We took a day tour to Niagara Falls, which are very impressive but very over-developed with huge hotels and casinos towering overhead. This is not a new concern –over-development was noted back in the 1800’s. We did the historic “Maid of the Mist” boat trip to the base of the falls. I think our boat was an 1846 original going by the amount of rust in evidence. When you get close to the falls, you can’t see anything but you certainly experience them in all their wetness!   

A maid in the mist

Then on to Paris Quebec City. Well of course we knew that Quebec is a French Province but we didn’t fully expect that it would look so European (derrrr!) We stayed in a gorgeous old hotel just below the walls of the Old City – Quebec City being the only walled city in North America.  We decided that whatever the official version, Quebec actually means “yet another steep flight of stairs” as we certainly got a workout during our stay as we wandered around this fantastic place. There’s something about a medieval wall that makes us want to re-enact the French Castle Scene from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” – shouting “Go away, we’ve already got one, eets very nice” from the ramparts. (If you haven’t the foggiest idea what we are talking about, try You-Tubing it.)

Just remind me that I'm in North America

We went to the Military Tattoo at the Pepsi Coliseum (I like to call it the Pepsi Cola – seum) which was an extravaganza of international military bands including the serious and well organised Germans, the cheeky Chileans and Russian Red Army 3 Tenors with HUGE voices. The French Alpinists (announced as being from the “Motherland of France”, British Commonwealth be damned!) were a zany bunch (with a repertoire including a Lady Gaga song) whose uniforms convinced us to call them the “Regimental Pastry Cooks Piping Band”. Most of the commentary was in French, with occasional English when they could be bothered. We tried to work out the translations but because we don’t speak any French we perhaps got some things wrong. For example, we’re not sure why they were talking about Clint Eastwood’s son’s 15^th birthday party where love songs were performed but you know, these crazy French….

Regimental Pastry Cooks Piping Band - they certainly weren't half-baked, or loafing around.
This is what they do for a crust, although they don't make a lot of dough.

In keeping with all things ‘Militaire’ we visited the Citadel for the Changing of the Guard ceremony. The 22^nd Regiment is the only exclusively French speaking regiment in the Canadian forces, and it was a little weird to have blokes in British uniform (red coats and bearskin hats) obeying commands  in French. The star of the show was Batisse the 10^th, Regimental Goat. Yes, that’s correct, a goat. The original Batisse was a gift from the Shah of Persia to Queen Victoria who, in a classical example of ‘on giving’, passed it on to Canada.  Splendid when One can give unwanted things to the Colonies  - We are amused. Batisse, under the command of the Goat Major, didn’t do very much except chew. And here’s a picture……

Sorry, wrong one

Cirque de Soleil performs a free concert 5 nights a week, so we joined the 1 km long queue in a vain attempt to get in. Just as we got to the entrance, they closed it because the arena was full. We managed to find a small hill overlooking the arena, crowded with lots of people with the same idea, so we perched precariously to get a view. Sure they were acrobatic on stage, but you would have marvelled at the manoeuvres we were performing to keep our balance and watch the show. But of course being Cirque de Soleil the show was absolutely amazing and spectacular.

We hired bikes and rode out to Montmorency Falls, which are 1.5 times the height of Niagara but not as extensive, or quite so over-developed. They can be viewed by cable car or by walking up 489 steps – there’s that Stairmaster again! Close to the main falls is The Bridal Veil Falls – so far on this trip we have seen squillions of Bridal Veil Falls, which seems to be the default option for Official Namers of Things who lack imagination.

Despite a reputation for surly Frenchness, the Quebecois that we encountered were very friendly and more than willing to interact in English. Perhaps the torture of listening to our mangled French (with some Spanish thrown in just to confuse things) was too much to bear so they gave in without a struggle.

Just 4 more days of French Canada in Montreal to go – we should be fluent by then….???

Unbelugable excitement!

In the last blog I mentioned the quote “being on ship is like being in jail…..” – but oh boy, you should try travelling by train! We boarded the VIA Rail train “The Canadian” in Vancouver for our trans-Canada trip, and were shown to our cell which was roomy enough for both of us if we breathed in and coated ourselves with Vaseline. There were a number of other places to go on the train to find more space, thankfully. Anyway, 2 days on the train was a little tedious, but it was a good way to see a lot of Canada along the way. We left the train in Winnipeg so that we could take a side-trip to Churchill. The train was 3 hours late into Winnipeg, arriving at midnight into the deserted city centre. Our taxi driver looked like he had just hopped off his park bench and stolen a taxi; he quite seriously looked like a ‘dero’ in filthy worn clothes, long matted hair and missing teeth. However he did drive safely and got us to our hotel, in spite of our initial concern.

On to Churchill, located on Hudson Bay. Depending on the time of year, Churchill is variously “Polar Bear Capital of the World”, “Beluga Whale Capital of the World”, “Birdwatchers Paradise” or “home of Nature’s Lightshow”. Phew, such a lot of responsibility for a small remote town. We timed our visit to coincide with the beluga whales which hang out in their thousands in the Churchill River in the summer.

Our first adventure was to go snorkelling with belugas. The first challenge of the day was putting on the wetsuit in 2 parts – 7mm thick Long Johns covered by a 7 mm jacket making 14 mm of neoprene around the torso. Michelin Man eat your heart out. This was followed by boots, hood and gloves. And then an attempt to get into the Zodiac (inflatable boat) with some measure of agility and dignity. Hmm. In the immortal words of Winston Churchill “this is no time for ease and comfort, it is time to dare and endure”.

Deirdre the mutant Ninja!

If we were worried about not seeing belugas, our fears were groundless as the whales were everywhere. They are really curious, particularly attracted to the spinning propeller of our boat which is probably a dangerous obsession. So with a deep breath and a sense of porpoise, into the murky depths we slid. All that neoprene gave us superb buoyancy but it was hard to do much else other than float about – diving was out of the question, and bending your arms was a challenge. The whales whizzed back and forwards underneath us, whistling and chirping. Probably saying, “look at those weird fat blobs, they can’t swim very well can they?” Belugas have permanent grins on their faces, and they can turn their necks to get a better look.  We saw several mums with newborns glued to their sides, and lots of teenagers.

Do Belugas have lips?

Nuzzling the propeller of our zodiac

The next day we went kayaking in the river. While snorkelling is billed as the big adventure, we actually had a much more enjoyable time kayaking. The whales are attracted to movement so after some initial shyness, they were on for playtime. As we paddled, we’d collect a following of whales – I felt like the Pied Piper. They liked it when the rudder moved - at one point I had a whale sucking on the rudder, which made steering a challenge. They seemed to like rubbing their backs on the bottom of the kayak – a little disconcerting when a 5 metre long, 1.6 tonne blubbery whale is lifting your kayak up out of the water. Mike was particularly given this treat. We think they were playing – perhaps they were just sick of Mike singing “Hey ho, little fishy, don’t cry, don’t cry” on an endless loop.  Belugas are called the ‘canaries of the sea’ for their vocal repertoire, and we also heard several deep rumbling noises accompanied by lots of bubbles, that sounded suspiciously like farts. Mike thought it couldn’t be a fart because he didn’t hear any of them laugh. But I reckon I heard “eeee, eeek, squeak, whistle, ee, ee, ee” which is beluga for “pull my flipper”.  I had a jolly time trying to hypnotise one with my paddle – I moved it back and forth in the water and had a whale staring at it, moving his head back and forth in time. What a hoot!

See if you can spot the 6 whales in this picture.

 

Pull my flipper!EEEEEE...

In the afternoon we did a tour of the Prince of Wales Fort at the mouth of the river, with some more whale watching on the way. It was interesting to tour a historic site accompanied by an armed guard. The guard was there to protect us from polar bears, one having been seen in the vicinity shortly before our arrival. The fort was completed in 1773 after 40 years of construction, and abandoned 11 years later after being attacked by La Perouse – he was probably still sore from just missing out on claiming Australia.  

Churchill is an interesting town – on the one hand it’s a community where no-one locks their cars or houses, yet on the other hand they tell you not to go walking in certain areas, particularly at night because it is too dangerous. The danger however, is from polar bears. At the beach there are big signs warning you not to walk there due to bear danger. There is a bear alert patrol on regular duty and an emergency number to ring in case of sighting a bear in the town. 

Naughty bears get trapped and taken to the ‘bear jail’ for reassignment to some other location out of harm’s way. We hired a car on our last day and drove out to Cape Merry at the mouth of the river, where we were fortunate to see a bear from the safety of our vehicle. Walking around the Cape Merry historic site was therefore a dangerous proposition. Continuing on the coast road we saw another bear much further away, which confirmed that romantic strolls on the beach were out of the question in these parts.  

Showing off his Bear Bum

Let sleeping Bears lie!

"Bear Gaol"

We made a brief stop at the site of a 1979 plane crash - the plane is called “Miss Piggy” apparently because of the shape and ability to hold lots of cargo. Sightseeing in polar bear country, in the absence of a weapon, is done quickly with lots of scanning the horizon, which kind of adds an edge to it.

One hell of a rough landing!

Apparently it is possible to see the Northern Lights at this time of year as it is dark between midnight and 3 am. We woke frequently during these hours to check outside, but didn’t see any lights unfortunately. Churchill has left something for us to come back for – you can’t have it all! Now back in Winnipeg, we are looking forward to a dark night and uninterrupted sleep.

Keep Calm and carry on!

Sail of the Century

How is a pirate ship like a bad opera singer? When it’s murder on the high C’s.

We left Anchorage to suffer through a terrible heatwave – they were sweltering through a record breaking run of 15 consecutive days above 22° C. It’s funny what you get used to, bet they’d scoff at our feeble winter temps.

Before leaving, we had dinner at a Japanese Teppanyaki restaurant, with an impressive display of culinary skill by the chef. At our table were 2 couples who just wouldn’t stop yabbering on while the chef did his thing. One of the couple had moved to Alaska a few years ago and were waxing lyrical to the other couple, who worked for the Sheriff’s Department in Florida, about Alaska’s gun laws which are “awesome!”   The Alaskan bloke went on to say “I’m a Youth Pastor and I always carry a piece, our Senior Pastor carries too”. Why? Evangelism at blank point range? I wanted to ask him what he thought Jesus would ‘carry’, but I was afraid he might have an answer. Just be careful when they announce “passing the peace” at their church, it might just be a “piece” instead. He continued, “Law enforcement in Alaska love it when they are in the middle of an operation, say a hostage situation or siege, and armed citizens turn up to help them out”. Yeah right, a posse of untrained vigilantes is just what every tense situation needs. We slipped away quietly, making no sudden moves.

We headed back to Seward to join the throng of morbidly obese family groups with matching T-shirts (eg Camp Grandpa 2013), and boarded our cruise ship Radiance of the Seas. It was our first large ship cruise and we didn’t really know what we were letting ourselves in for. First things first, check out the climbing wall, mini-golf and the gym, and noting when the formal dining nights were scheduled so we could avoid them as we have not packed our evening wear for this trip. Strange but true.  

We awoke on day one to some proper Alaskan weather - miserable rain and fog with a rolling ship in a heaving ocean.  The rain was horizontal and a gale was blowing across the deck, so the climbing wall and mini-golf were out of action. Mike had a go at freestyle cardio as he zig-zagged across the belt of the treadmill. I attempted the outdoor walking track as I needed fresh air, only to be beaten back by the wind. I was feeling very poorly in mind and body, bringing to mind the immortal words of Samuel Johnston, 18^th century lexicographer, who said “being on a ship is like being in jail, only with a chance of being drowned”. He also advised that the best cure for seasickness is to find a big old oak tree and hug it tightly.  Good idea.    

Happily things settled down in the afternoon as we sailed into calmer waters, up to the face of the Hubbard Glacier. Our ship was 13 storeys tall, and the glacier towered above us. It was doing a fair bit of calving, great cracks and thunderous roars as chunks fell off the face with a mighty splash.

In our opinion, the best part of going on a cruise is getting off the ship. First port of call was Juneau, capital of Alaska, for a ‘glacier view’ kayak trip. The definition of view was a little stretched  - the Mendenhall glacier could be viewed if you squinted hard or used binoculars as it was quite a long way from our paddling spot. We paddled up a stream that salmon use to spawn, unfortunately we were just a few days too late to catch them in the act of spawning. So what we got was a fishy stew of bloaty floaties - back-stroke swimming salmon, at the unhappy end of their life cycle. Spawn then die.  Nice. By the end of the trip, fog had descended and it was hard to make out the shoreline to find our way back. We greeted the next lot of kayak day trippers who looked very miserable as they exited the bus into the rain and fog.  Have I sold you the idea of a cruise yet???

What a Hottie!

Our next stop in Skagway saw some improvement in the weather, which was good for our Glacier Trek excursion. We caught a train which dropped us off in the middle of nowhere so we could walk to the Laughton Glacier. The trip notes advised that we would be walking on the glacier. Again, we shake our heads at folks who thought that shorts might be good to wear on a giant block of ice. At the start of the walk we were given a pair of crampons (spiky shoe soles) which were needed to walk safely on the ice. We enjoyed a beautiful hike through the rainforest and eventually we started to get glimpses of the glacier and spectacular ice falls tumbling from the mountain range. The couple in front of me asked if we could go a bit closer to get a better view. They were surprised and thrilled to be told that they would be actually going on the glacier. The guide said, “that’s why we gave you the spikes so you can walk on the ice”, to which they replied “wow, really, is there ice on the glacier?” No, it’s icing sugar. 

Icing Sugar Glacier

The Iceman cometh

Heading south, we visited Icy Strait Point and did the ‘World’s longest zipline’ which is 5,330 feet long, 1300 feet vertical drop, reaching 60 mph max speed, all over and done with in 90 seconds.  They strap you in behind some gates like a horse race start, then let you go screaming all the way to the bottom. After the initial huge drop, you can settle down and enjoy the view over Glacier Bay.  WOW! Totally awesome!

Deirdre ready to launch

AAAAAAAARGH!

Nice hair

In the afternoon we joined an “advanced kayaking trip”. There was also a shorter trip, but we relished the opportunity to go a bit further and faster so picked the advanced version which promised wildlife viewing opportunities.  Silly us.  Half the group had never kayaked before – which part of the word “advanced” would make you think it was suitable for beginners? Most of the group paddled with their paddles upside down, one guy had them backwards. I did try to suggest he turn them around but he didn’t seem to understand what I meant. The guide appeared in no mood to paddle anywhere much, so we mooched around the dock and marina which was hugely frustrating and annoying. The weather was superb in a scenic location – some compensation.     

Our last shore day was in Ketchikan, 3^rd rainiest place in the US. But for us, sunshine! We did a self-guided walking tour which majored on the salmon streams. This time the salmon were very much alive and filled the stream to capacity. We have never seen so many fish! In one section we saw a sea-lion who had obviously cottoned on to the idea of the ‘all-you-can-eat salmon buffet’ – he certainly looked well-fed. On our walk, we met a local elderly man who stopped us to ask where we are from. He said that he liked to do that every day, and he had met people from all over the world. He was amazingly well informed about Australia, which was unusual and refreshing.

Salmon soup!

Salmon all in a Roe

Ketchikan's Creek St

In the afternoon we took a floatplane to a remote bay and walked to a stream to see black bears fishing for salmon. We saw 4 bears, including one that had lost his left front paw – it appeared to still be red raw. Still, he managed to pluck a fish out pretty easily, so hopefully he will survive.

Our 3 legged hero comes to fish

and goes home a winner

Our last day was at sea, sailing down the “Inside Passage” between Vancouver Island and the mainland, where we had been kayaking several weeks before. As we passed the camp, we made sure to wave, however no-one was at the camp to return our salutation. Never mind. Another glorious day made life at sea much more comfortable than our first sea day. The crew put on all sorts of demonstrations such as vegetable carving, serviette folding, towel folding (they made gorillas, turtles, frogs, elephants, swans and more) and some impressive ice carving using glacial ice. The cruise director reported that someone had asked him what they do with the carving once it has melted.  

You’ll be pleased to know that my melancholy of day 1 was left behind, and all in all it was an enjoyable cruise. Not sure I would sign up for another big ship cruise, but you just never know……